Want to Know How to Be Happy - Here's 1 Shocking Secret No One Tells You About How to Be Happy
By Ali Berman
So you want to know how to be happy?
I understand how you feel. In fact I spent much of my first forty years wondering if I would ever know happiness on a permanent basis.
But I have a secret for you...and here it is:
I live in happiness now and you can too.
I realized the key to living in happiness and now I teach it to people every day.
What is the secret?
You will not change until you are ready to change.
What?
You can tell yourself and your friends and family that you want to change, that you want your life to be different. Most people do-only they just give lip service to that idea.
Change takes energy. You need to exert effort to accomplish change.
To actually change the way you live your life you must first decide you want to change. Then you must be truthful with yourself about being ready to change now.
Most people have too much invested in staying the way they are. After all, change means leaving your comfort zone! Most people don't want to step outside the box.
As a psychotherapist I found that most people who said they wanted to change got too many benefits staying stuck to really want to change.
I would not see someone longer than three months tops-now even less. Now I can tell immediately before seeing someone-if they are ready to change,
I will not waste my time and energy or their time and money unless they are both ready, truly ready, and willing to do the work to change.
So how can you tell if you are ready to change? There are telltale signs.
1. Your vocabulary is free from words including "try, but, must and have to, should've, could've, would've, and can't"-to name a few.
Words either empower you or disempower you. Someone who wants to change empowers themselves with their word choice.
2. If the thought of change invigorates you and also scares you a bit then you are ready to take action in a new direction. Risk feels like adventure for you.
3. Recognizing the people in your world will not like your changing. You feel okay knowing your relationships with those closest to you will change.
4. You may lose some friends...and you feel okay about the possibility of losing some friends because you feel stifled living as you are not and you know, for your sake, you must do something different!
Warning: Do not neglect the above! Make sure to take this advice seriously if you want to live in happiness.
STOP! Are you about to give up the life changes that will let you be happy forever?
If you can't be happy when you are single, what chance do you have of being happy in a relationship? Go to http://LiveInHappinessNow.com/ebook.html and grab my Special Report: 45 Tips: How To Live In Happiness Now
And remember... Don't give up hope... You deserve to be happy
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Ali_Bierman
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
CHANGE IS GOOD . . . .DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF ???
Re-Inventing Yourself Through Self-Esteem
By Roberto Sedycias
Building self-esteem can be a challenge that may seem like an uphill climb. But with the right tools strengthening self-esteem is possible. Self-esteem issues can arise from many sources, not very nice parents, horrific experience, bullying at school, and rejection from peers or a poor view of how you view yourself. Creating self-esteem that is strong is all about changing the way you think and view yourself.
Self-esteem can be hurt and broken when parents do not give their children love but instead give them lots of negative feedback. Many adults with low self-esteem can trace it back to childhood when their parents often treated them unkind. It is important to address the issues you remember. For example when you did something wrong as a kid, how did you parents respond? Did they communicate with you in a positive way or did they say unkind things.
There are several ways that parents can hurt a child's self-esteem as they parent; label their child, call them names, give negative feedback, say nothing positive, physical or neglectful abuse, no praise for jobs well done. A child growing up with all or even just a few of these things can often become a person with low self-esteem.
As an adult who can address that their self-esteem issues are related back to their childhood, they can think about ways their parents should have handled those situations and realize that their parents were wrong. It is important to surround yourself with positive people and not have friends or partners that treat you the same way.
Often self-esteem issues can be a result of a hurtful relationship with a partner. When people have been together for a while, there is a level of comfort and a level of security. And when a partner is saying hurtful things and becomes an abusive person physically or even just emotionally, it can sometimes make the person feel trapped. They don't want to leave because they feel comfortable or afraid or maybe there are kids or property involved. Realizing that how your partner treats you are how you might begin to view yourself might be just the thing to have you packing.
Constant rejection from peers can leave you feeling hurt and with low self-esteem. It is important to remember that there are people out there that will treat you nice; it's just a matter of finding them. If you have issues with making friends then it might be a good idea to try new hobbies and expand your world as you know it. Doing new things will have you meeting people who are doing the same thing as you. That will be a great way to meet people and begin friendships. It doesn't matter how many friends you have as long as you have one good one.
Building self-esteem means that you have to view yourself as an important person. And being important has nothing to do with how you look on the outside; it's about feeling confident and liking yourself. Just because you may have been exposed to negative relationships in the past, does not mean that their negativity has to follow you through life. The past can be left in the past and a fresh start can be made.
Try to give yourself positive feedback, reward yourself for great things that you accomplish, even if it's just finishing your holiday shopping early! And remember that the only view about yourself that is important is the one you come up with. If you see yourself as great then you most definitely are!
Roberto Sedycias works as IT consultant for Polomercantil
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Roberto_Sedycias
By Roberto Sedycias
Building self-esteem can be a challenge that may seem like an uphill climb. But with the right tools strengthening self-esteem is possible. Self-esteem issues can arise from many sources, not very nice parents, horrific experience, bullying at school, and rejection from peers or a poor view of how you view yourself. Creating self-esteem that is strong is all about changing the way you think and view yourself.
Self-esteem can be hurt and broken when parents do not give their children love but instead give them lots of negative feedback. Many adults with low self-esteem can trace it back to childhood when their parents often treated them unkind. It is important to address the issues you remember. For example when you did something wrong as a kid, how did you parents respond? Did they communicate with you in a positive way or did they say unkind things.
There are several ways that parents can hurt a child's self-esteem as they parent; label their child, call them names, give negative feedback, say nothing positive, physical or neglectful abuse, no praise for jobs well done. A child growing up with all or even just a few of these things can often become a person with low self-esteem.
As an adult who can address that their self-esteem issues are related back to their childhood, they can think about ways their parents should have handled those situations and realize that their parents were wrong. It is important to surround yourself with positive people and not have friends or partners that treat you the same way.
Often self-esteem issues can be a result of a hurtful relationship with a partner. When people have been together for a while, there is a level of comfort and a level of security. And when a partner is saying hurtful things and becomes an abusive person physically or even just emotionally, it can sometimes make the person feel trapped. They don't want to leave because they feel comfortable or afraid or maybe there are kids or property involved. Realizing that how your partner treats you are how you might begin to view yourself might be just the thing to have you packing.
Constant rejection from peers can leave you feeling hurt and with low self-esteem. It is important to remember that there are people out there that will treat you nice; it's just a matter of finding them. If you have issues with making friends then it might be a good idea to try new hobbies and expand your world as you know it. Doing new things will have you meeting people who are doing the same thing as you. That will be a great way to meet people and begin friendships. It doesn't matter how many friends you have as long as you have one good one.
Building self-esteem means that you have to view yourself as an important person. And being important has nothing to do with how you look on the outside; it's about feeling confident and liking yourself. Just because you may have been exposed to negative relationships in the past, does not mean that their negativity has to follow you through life. The past can be left in the past and a fresh start can be made.
Try to give yourself positive feedback, reward yourself for great things that you accomplish, even if it's just finishing your holiday shopping early! And remember that the only view about yourself that is important is the one you come up with. If you see yourself as great then you most definitely are!
Roberto Sedycias works as IT consultant for Polomercantil
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Roberto_Sedycias
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
CHANGE IS GOOD . . . IT'S UP TO YOU
Positive Attitude - How to Build It
By Akash Singh
Why positive attitude is important? Attitude plays a major role in making any successful stories. Studies attributed in Harvard University found that when person get job or promotion, 85% of time is because of his attitude and only 15%of the time because of intelligence and knowledge of specific facts.
Positive attitude is a very important ingredient to get success. If one is positive in his/her attitude, the success is 100% sure, what may be the situation is, theirs is no chance for failure.
One's attitude makes all the difference between two persons. So it is really very important to care of attitude.
William James of Harvard University once said-
"The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitude of mind." How to build positive attitude?
Here I have given few steps, if followed religiously for 21 days; positive attitude will become the part of your character. For first week it may be difficult but this it will become easy to do after one week.
Step 1 - Divert your focus on positive aspects of situations
What may be the situation be, whether it is good or bad, make the habit of searching positive aspects in the situations.
Step 2 - Be an optimist
Talk and think only good and positive things in life which give you real happiness. Try to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Make your mind filled with positive and motivating thoughts and stop crying on what you have lost, make the new beginning. Make your friends; family members feel that you really appreciate them. Keep wide smile on your face it will feel good from inside and will make your life richer.
Step 3 - Live your life in NOW!
He slept beneath the moon He basked beneath the sun He lived a life of going to do And died with nothing done.James Albery
Start living now. Forget what have you gained or lost in life make yourself to be fully be in present. You will see that by practicing this step you will get to know your inner world, you true self. You will start living your life that you have never lived before. These steps will your increase confidence, concentration etc.
Step 3 - Avoid and be aware of negative influences
I will not say to get away from negative influences because it is sometime become difficult to run away from negative influences in real life. So best of luck for your life!
It really feels very nice when you help any one. I like this feeling so much that I can work all day to get it.
Part of my effort, visite this blog, it have some interesting posts like this.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Akash_Singh
By Akash Singh
Why positive attitude is important? Attitude plays a major role in making any successful stories. Studies attributed in Harvard University found that when person get job or promotion, 85% of time is because of his attitude and only 15%of the time because of intelligence and knowledge of specific facts.
Positive attitude is a very important ingredient to get success. If one is positive in his/her attitude, the success is 100% sure, what may be the situation is, theirs is no chance for failure.
One's attitude makes all the difference between two persons. So it is really very important to care of attitude.
William James of Harvard University once said-
"The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitude of mind." How to build positive attitude?
Here I have given few steps, if followed religiously for 21 days; positive attitude will become the part of your character. For first week it may be difficult but this it will become easy to do after one week.
Step 1 - Divert your focus on positive aspects of situations
What may be the situation be, whether it is good or bad, make the habit of searching positive aspects in the situations.
Step 2 - Be an optimist
Talk and think only good and positive things in life which give you real happiness. Try to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Make your mind filled with positive and motivating thoughts and stop crying on what you have lost, make the new beginning. Make your friends; family members feel that you really appreciate them. Keep wide smile on your face it will feel good from inside and will make your life richer.
Step 3 - Live your life in NOW!
He slept beneath the moon He basked beneath the sun He lived a life of going to do And died with nothing done.James Albery
Start living now. Forget what have you gained or lost in life make yourself to be fully be in present. You will see that by practicing this step you will get to know your inner world, you true self. You will start living your life that you have never lived before. These steps will your increase confidence, concentration etc.
Step 3 - Avoid and be aware of negative influences
I will not say to get away from negative influences because it is sometime become difficult to run away from negative influences in real life. So best of luck for your life!
It really feels very nice when you help any one. I like this feeling so much that I can work all day to get it.
Part of my effort, visite this blog, it have some interesting posts like this.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Akash_Singh
Thursday, December 31, 2009
CHANGE IS GOOD . . . . FOR THE NEW YEAR
BY DR. SHARON M. MELNICK
There is one "master" resolution. Without it all your other
resolutions cannot be carried out. The one ability you want
to resolve to strengthen is Self Trust.
Self-trust is relying upon your inner resources (i.e.
emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual) to achieve
desired success and fulfillment. It enables you to stay
steady and expand what you CAN control in this fast-changing
world, rather than try in futility to change market
conditions or other people.
Self trust is about believing in yourself , i.e., whether
your efforts are worthwhile and will help you progress
towards the happiness and results you seek.
Self trust is about your ability to manage yourself, so
that when it comes time to do the behavior you've said is
healthy or constructive for you, you can get yourself to do
it.
Self trust is about viewing yourself as worth treating
well, i.e., that you are deserving of having the results
you are pursuing. This comes from seeing yourself as others
see you, not through filters of self judgment.
You judge yourself because you think you will only be
loveable to others or secure in your career if you live up
to an ideal of perfection. Therefore you always compare
yourself to this ideal, setting yourself up to fall short
and beat yourself up.
Everyone, no matter who you are, has felt crunched in the
past year or so. Some of us are feeling overwhelmed by the
stresses, others of us are feeling resilient, knowing they
will land on their feet no matter what. Resilient people
are energized and taking action everyday to create
opportunities and keep their relationships strong. Self
trust is a key factor that determines how you will navigate
through turbulent times.
How do you rate yourself on a 1-10 scale of Self Trust?
What is your Resolution for how Self Trusting you want to
be in 2010 and the upcoming decade?
Self trust is a learned skill. Go to my blog
www.sharonmelnick.com/site/resolution for some questions to
aid your yearly review and an exercise to build self
trust.
Leave me your comments about this blog post and let me
know how you build self trust.
--
Dr. Sharon M. Melnick
(O) 212.842.4638
sharon@sharonmelnick.com
Follow me on Twitter: DrSharonMelnick
There is one "master" resolution. Without it all your other
resolutions cannot be carried out. The one ability you want
to resolve to strengthen is Self Trust.
Self-trust is relying upon your inner resources (i.e.
emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual) to achieve
desired success and fulfillment. It enables you to stay
steady and expand what you CAN control in this fast-changing
world, rather than try in futility to change market
conditions or other people.
Self trust is about believing in yourself , i.e., whether
your efforts are worthwhile and will help you progress
towards the happiness and results you seek.
Self trust is about your ability to manage yourself, so
that when it comes time to do the behavior you've said is
healthy or constructive for you, you can get yourself to do
it.
Self trust is about viewing yourself as worth treating
well, i.e., that you are deserving of having the results
you are pursuing. This comes from seeing yourself as others
see you, not through filters of self judgment.
You judge yourself because you think you will only be
loveable to others or secure in your career if you live up
to an ideal of perfection. Therefore you always compare
yourself to this ideal, setting yourself up to fall short
and beat yourself up.
Everyone, no matter who you are, has felt crunched in the
past year or so. Some of us are feeling overwhelmed by the
stresses, others of us are feeling resilient, knowing they
will land on their feet no matter what. Resilient people
are energized and taking action everyday to create
opportunities and keep their relationships strong. Self
trust is a key factor that determines how you will navigate
through turbulent times.
How do you rate yourself on a 1-10 scale of Self Trust?
What is your Resolution for how Self Trusting you want to
be in 2010 and the upcoming decade?
Self trust is a learned skill. Go to my blog
www.sharonmelnick.com/site/resolution for some questions to
aid your yearly review and an exercise to build self
trust.
Leave me your comments about this blog post and let me
know how you build self trust.
--
Dr. Sharon M. Melnick
(O) 212.842.4638
sharon@sharonmelnick.com
Follow me on Twitter: DrSharonMelnick
Saturday, December 26, 2009
CHANGE IS GOOD . . . .YOU CAN'T DO IT ALONE
Hi All,
FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL: I would like to wish everyone a very Happy Chanukah, A Very Merry Christmas and A Wonderful, Happy, Healthy, Prosperous New Year . . . . . .
The three essential major ingredients in your quest for success ??? SUPPORT. SUPPORT. SUPPORT.
You need one or more supporters who will be there for you when you get to that critical point where the pain exceeds the passion and you just can't move forward.
You need a good accountant and a good lawyer. Liking them is very important.
Opportunity does not make house calls. You need to get out and meet people. Join network groups. Volunteer. Make sure your goal is just to meet great people.
You need people around you who will tell you like it is .
You need people around you with more experience than you have.
You need people around you who are smarter than you.
You need people who are creative.
You need people who have "BEEN THERE DONE THAT.
The Challenge . . . . .Where do you get to meet and develop relationships with some of these special people as soon as possible?
The Good News? One of my best friends and a huge supporter is NAPOLEAN HILL. . . . Yup, That's right. He's Dead.
Your support, encouragement, and motivation does not have to come from a Live Person .
Of course, there is nothing better than the real thing but Books, Articles, Blogs and Websites could be and should be a huge source of nourishment.
You can make friends with and have access to some of the brightest minds and the most successful people the world has ever known.
They should always be part of your mastermind group no matter how many live supporters you have.
To find great works: "Google" should be high on your list of tools that you use to develp your round table . . . . .Play with words. For example: success support, mastermind groups, hope, persistence, books on success ETC. ETC. ETC. Spend a day in Barnes and Noble.
Also Just want to share . . . . The Three links below are a great source of inspiration and motivation for your support network. I just found Evan and his team.
www.evancarmichael.com
www.evancarmichael.com/Forums
www.ezinearticles.com/?expert=Evan_Carmichael
Good luck on your journey.
Email me at barry@cbtpusa.com if you need help.
Regards
Barry
FIRST AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL: I would like to wish everyone a very Happy Chanukah, A Very Merry Christmas and A Wonderful, Happy, Healthy, Prosperous New Year . . . . . .
The three essential major ingredients in your quest for success ??? SUPPORT. SUPPORT. SUPPORT.
You need one or more supporters who will be there for you when you get to that critical point where the pain exceeds the passion and you just can't move forward.
You need a good accountant and a good lawyer. Liking them is very important.
Opportunity does not make house calls. You need to get out and meet people. Join network groups. Volunteer. Make sure your goal is just to meet great people.
You need people around you who will tell you like it is .
You need people around you with more experience than you have.
You need people around you who are smarter than you.
You need people who are creative.
You need people who have "BEEN THERE DONE THAT.
The Challenge . . . . .Where do you get to meet and develop relationships with some of these special people as soon as possible?
The Good News? One of my best friends and a huge supporter is NAPOLEAN HILL. . . . Yup, That's right. He's Dead.
Your support, encouragement, and motivation does not have to come from a Live Person .
Of course, there is nothing better than the real thing but Books, Articles, Blogs and Websites could be and should be a huge source of nourishment.
You can make friends with and have access to some of the brightest minds and the most successful people the world has ever known.
They should always be part of your mastermind group no matter how many live supporters you have.
To find great works: "Google" should be high on your list of tools that you use to develp your round table . . . . .Play with words. For example: success support, mastermind groups, hope, persistence, books on success ETC. ETC. ETC. Spend a day in Barnes and Noble.
Also Just want to share . . . . The Three links below are a great source of inspiration and motivation for your support network. I just found Evan and his team.
www.evancarmichael.com
www.evancarmichael.com/Forums
www.ezinearticles.com/?expert=Evan_Carmichael
Good luck on your journey.
Email me at barry@cbtpusa.com if you need help.
Regards
Barry
CHANGE IS GOOD . . . .YOU GOTTA HAVE HOPE
Success - What's Hope Got to Do With It?
By Walter jacobson
If we are hopeless, we have decided there are no solutions, no resolutions, no possibilities, there is only one absolutely certain outcome and nothing else, and it's not a good one, case closed.
That negative, fatalistic attitude shuts down the subconscious mind's factory of reality-altering possibilities. There is just no way our subconscious mind will construct solutions of any kind, or even the seeds of solutions, if we have convinced it with hopelessness that there is no point in going down that road.
However, if we are hopeful, despite how terribly bleak our options might seem to be, it means we have left open the possibility of some form of rescue, some form of circumstance that can't now be anticipated but could possibly happen, that could solve the problem, enable us to catch our breath, whatever the situation might be.
It is this attitude that gives our subconscious mind permission to entertain all possibilities, to "keep an open mind." As a consequence, we become more aware of intuitive processes.
Putting it another way: Hope gives the mind permission to let go of fear, limitations, boundaries and logic, to think outside of the box so that it can tap into the collective unconscious, a fountain of ideas, and be receptive to them, despite how impractical they might at first glance appear.
Hope can set us on the right path, but it's up to us to put one foot in front of the other. Hope can inspire infinite possibilities, different roads to take that might never have occurred to us had we resigned ourselves to hopelessness and failure, but it is up to us to stay calm and pay close attention so that we can take ourselves down the best and brightest road possible.
To conclude: Hope isn't foolish, unrealistic or impractical. It's not magical thinking. On the contrary, hope is inspiring, catalyzing, activating, motivating, and generating. Hope is a powerful creative, transformative force, particularly when we free our mind of fear, that has the capacity to help us manifest life-altering physical solutions to seemingly insolvable problems.
Hope makes things happen. Keep hope alive. Keep the dream alive.
Walter E Jacobson, MD
Psychiatrist, Speaker & Author
http://walterjacobsonmd.wordpress.com
Spiritual Solutions & Cognitive Tools for Well-Being & Material Success
Check out my blog at the above website for practical ways to achieve happiness and success.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Walter_Jacobson
By Walter jacobson
If we are hopeless, we have decided there are no solutions, no resolutions, no possibilities, there is only one absolutely certain outcome and nothing else, and it's not a good one, case closed.
That negative, fatalistic attitude shuts down the subconscious mind's factory of reality-altering possibilities. There is just no way our subconscious mind will construct solutions of any kind, or even the seeds of solutions, if we have convinced it with hopelessness that there is no point in going down that road.
However, if we are hopeful, despite how terribly bleak our options might seem to be, it means we have left open the possibility of some form of rescue, some form of circumstance that can't now be anticipated but could possibly happen, that could solve the problem, enable us to catch our breath, whatever the situation might be.
It is this attitude that gives our subconscious mind permission to entertain all possibilities, to "keep an open mind." As a consequence, we become more aware of intuitive processes.
Putting it another way: Hope gives the mind permission to let go of fear, limitations, boundaries and logic, to think outside of the box so that it can tap into the collective unconscious, a fountain of ideas, and be receptive to them, despite how impractical they might at first glance appear.
Hope can set us on the right path, but it's up to us to put one foot in front of the other. Hope can inspire infinite possibilities, different roads to take that might never have occurred to us had we resigned ourselves to hopelessness and failure, but it is up to us to stay calm and pay close attention so that we can take ourselves down the best and brightest road possible.
To conclude: Hope isn't foolish, unrealistic or impractical. It's not magical thinking. On the contrary, hope is inspiring, catalyzing, activating, motivating, and generating. Hope is a powerful creative, transformative force, particularly when we free our mind of fear, that has the capacity to help us manifest life-altering physical solutions to seemingly insolvable problems.
Hope makes things happen. Keep hope alive. Keep the dream alive.
Walter E Jacobson, MD
Psychiatrist, Speaker & Author
http://walterjacobsonmd.wordpress.com
Spiritual Solutions & Cognitive Tools for Well-Being & Material Success
Check out my blog at the above website for practical ways to achieve happiness and success.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Walter_Jacobson
Friday, December 11, 2009
CHANGE IS GOOD . . . . CHECK THIS OUT
CHECK THIS OUT . . . IT'S SAFE . . . IT'S ON YOUTUBE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfq_A8nXMsQ
REGARDS
BARRY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfq_A8nXMsQ
REGARDS
BARRY
Thursday, November 26, 2009
CHANGE IS GOOD . . . IT'S ALL ABOUT YOUR ATTITUDE
How to Avoid Family Conflict Over the Holidays
BY Dr. SHARON MELNICK
Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays probably mean get togethers with your family of origin (or even more loaded: with those of your spouse!)
While there are many comforts and joys of spending time withyour extended family, sometimes it can mean interacting withpeople who control, frustrate, criticize, or burden you. With all the stresses you are facing this year, cross'family conflict' off your list with the followingperspectives:
What is the "real reason" you are aggravated with adifficult family member? You wish your difficult familymember could just "get it" and behave differently in theirown life and towards you. Their behavior may legitimatelytake up a lot of time or show insensitivity to you. Butknow that you are angry with them because you are hoping andexpecting that they will be more evolved than they are atthis point. You are hoping that one of these times theywill give you the validation you richly deserve (but theyare likely incapable of.) When you say to yourself thatthey should be different or vent to a confidant about "whydo they do that?", you are hoping that they will heed youradvisement and magically do it differently next time. Youare 'living in hope'.
As soon as you accept that they are "where they are on theirjourney" (and so are you), you know it is not fruitful totry to change them. As long as you are hoping andexpecting they will be different, you can continue to act inyour same patterns and expect the change to come from them. Even though its painful for you to standby and watchsomeone you care about not be happy, you must appreciatepart of you wants them to act differently in order for youto feel at ease or comfortable with yourself and yoursituation. The answer of course is to focus on your 50%. To the extent that you can feel 'good in you' no matter howyour family members are acting out of their limitations, youwill no longer be aggravated by them.
Why are family members so difficult? Usually people are"difficult" because they are going about getting their needsmet in the only way they know how. The way they can feelpowerful and good in themselves is by controlling things,situations, and people - they are not able to feel good byconnecting meaningfully with you for who you really are andthey are not able to see you as separate from how they needto see you in their own mind in order to feel good aboutthemselves. If you have more effective and diverse ways ofgetting what you need (good for you!), you probably seetheir limited approaches as unreasonable. Instead ofbeing annoyed by them, separate yourself from needinganything from them.
How can you make family interactions more harmonious? Thereare many things that you can do to take responsibility foryour part of the interaction. Some examples include:-
-Know exactly what you want from the situation so youcan ask for it instead of hoping they will read your mind.
-See it from their point of view, make them feelunderstood, and phrase your requests to them in terms thatmotivate them (and don't just assume because you wantsomething they will want to be that way for you.)
-Do things that are easy for you to do that help them get theirneeds met even in their rigid ways. For example, showappreciation to a narcissistic person and make them feelspecial. If it means acting out of integrity for you,don't go along with them. Let a narcissistic, controlling,or off- color person know your limits. Tell them you in aneutral, respectful tone that you don't tolerate thatbehavior, and that you will talk to them or spend time withthem when they are not acting that way (then walk away andcome back later).
-Make sure your communication is clear and respectful,reducing the chance you will be misinterpreted- Articulate more precisely the kind of support, love,and cooperation you can get from difficult family membersand what you wish you could get but will realistically notbe able to get. Only interact with them around the former.
-Focus effectively on nurturing yourself and initiatingmeaningful connections that will bring fulfillment in yourcurrent life - so you are less vulnerable to others makingyou feel bad.
-Instead of focusing on the unrealizedharmony within your family, be grateful for the familymembers who are alive and in a state of reasonable health; be grateful for all the ways that you and your familymembers have been resilient to the current challengingtimes.
How can you deal with your spouse who falls back into a role in their family? If your spouse reverts to someone you don'trecognize when with their family, it's not an opportunity for criticism. Rather, appreciate that there is still apart of them that is stuck believing it's the only way theywill be loved by the people they invested with such hope togive them their 'emotional oxygen'. What you can do is'kill them with kindness' to help them trust that they nowhave new ways of being loved by you.
One of the participants in my recent Friction FreeRelationships program said that if she had learned theseskills years ago her life would have been much happier. Ifyou have friction in your work relationships or yourpersonal and family relationships, you can eliminate anytime you spend being frustrated and make interactions gosmoothly and easily. Get these skills for yourself with aspecial Thanksgiving offer of $200 savings.Sharon
Dr. Sharon M. Melnick
(O) 212.842.4638
sharon@sharonmelnick.com
Follow me on Twitter: DrSharonMelnick
1230 Ave. of the Americas, 7th Floor
New York, NY 10020 United States
BY Dr. SHARON MELNICK
Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays probably mean get togethers with your family of origin (or even more loaded: with those of your spouse!)
While there are many comforts and joys of spending time withyour extended family, sometimes it can mean interacting withpeople who control, frustrate, criticize, or burden you. With all the stresses you are facing this year, cross'family conflict' off your list with the followingperspectives:
What is the "real reason" you are aggravated with adifficult family member? You wish your difficult familymember could just "get it" and behave differently in theirown life and towards you. Their behavior may legitimatelytake up a lot of time or show insensitivity to you. Butknow that you are angry with them because you are hoping andexpecting that they will be more evolved than they are atthis point. You are hoping that one of these times theywill give you the validation you richly deserve (but theyare likely incapable of.) When you say to yourself thatthey should be different or vent to a confidant about "whydo they do that?", you are hoping that they will heed youradvisement and magically do it differently next time. Youare 'living in hope'.
As soon as you accept that they are "where they are on theirjourney" (and so are you), you know it is not fruitful totry to change them. As long as you are hoping andexpecting they will be different, you can continue to act inyour same patterns and expect the change to come from them. Even though its painful for you to standby and watchsomeone you care about not be happy, you must appreciatepart of you wants them to act differently in order for youto feel at ease or comfortable with yourself and yoursituation. The answer of course is to focus on your 50%. To the extent that you can feel 'good in you' no matter howyour family members are acting out of their limitations, youwill no longer be aggravated by them.
Why are family members so difficult? Usually people are"difficult" because they are going about getting their needsmet in the only way they know how. The way they can feelpowerful and good in themselves is by controlling things,situations, and people - they are not able to feel good byconnecting meaningfully with you for who you really are andthey are not able to see you as separate from how they needto see you in their own mind in order to feel good aboutthemselves. If you have more effective and diverse ways ofgetting what you need (good for you!), you probably seetheir limited approaches as unreasonable. Instead ofbeing annoyed by them, separate yourself from needinganything from them.
How can you make family interactions more harmonious? Thereare many things that you can do to take responsibility foryour part of the interaction. Some examples include:-
-Know exactly what you want from the situation so youcan ask for it instead of hoping they will read your mind.
-See it from their point of view, make them feelunderstood, and phrase your requests to them in terms thatmotivate them (and don't just assume because you wantsomething they will want to be that way for you.)
-Do things that are easy for you to do that help them get theirneeds met even in their rigid ways. For example, showappreciation to a narcissistic person and make them feelspecial. If it means acting out of integrity for you,don't go along with them. Let a narcissistic, controlling,or off- color person know your limits. Tell them you in aneutral, respectful tone that you don't tolerate thatbehavior, and that you will talk to them or spend time withthem when they are not acting that way (then walk away andcome back later).
-Make sure your communication is clear and respectful,reducing the chance you will be misinterpreted- Articulate more precisely the kind of support, love,and cooperation you can get from difficult family membersand what you wish you could get but will realistically notbe able to get. Only interact with them around the former.
-Focus effectively on nurturing yourself and initiatingmeaningful connections that will bring fulfillment in yourcurrent life - so you are less vulnerable to others makingyou feel bad.
-Instead of focusing on the unrealizedharmony within your family, be grateful for the familymembers who are alive and in a state of reasonable health; be grateful for all the ways that you and your familymembers have been resilient to the current challengingtimes.
How can you deal with your spouse who falls back into a role in their family? If your spouse reverts to someone you don'trecognize when with their family, it's not an opportunity for criticism. Rather, appreciate that there is still apart of them that is stuck believing it's the only way theywill be loved by the people they invested with such hope togive them their 'emotional oxygen'. What you can do is'kill them with kindness' to help them trust that they nowhave new ways of being loved by you.
One of the participants in my recent Friction FreeRelationships program said that if she had learned theseskills years ago her life would have been much happier. Ifyou have friction in your work relationships or yourpersonal and family relationships, you can eliminate anytime you spend being frustrated and make interactions gosmoothly and easily. Get these skills for yourself with aspecial Thanksgiving offer of $200 savings.Sharon
Dr. Sharon M. Melnick
(O) 212.842.4638
sharon@sharonmelnick.com
Follow me on Twitter: DrSharonMelnick
1230 Ave. of the Americas, 7th Floor
New York, NY 10020 United States
Sunday, November 22, 2009
CHANGE IS GOOD. . . SUCCESS IS AS EASY AS
When Nothing Seems to Matter, Do Not Give Up, Keep at it
By Dr. Robert Henry Schwenk
It is so much easier not to have to push, all the time. So much more comfortable to take the path of least resistance. I know. I did. I'll tell you about it here.
When I was a child, especially a teenager, I did not get sufficient to eat. Now, please do not hear me to be saying that I starved. I did not. I was nowhere near as bad off some people who live in poverty in this country or elsewhere in the world. My brain-power was not damaged from not having the correct nutrients. (So far as I am aware, I have all reasonable faculties. But others, outside of me, really have to the judge of that. Like you, reading this article.)
But when I look back now, I see that as a growing boy, I did not receive enough to eat. I was bone thin. No excuses about poverty and the like. My family just didn't not understand the need I had for food.
Then, later in life when I was in charge of my own food intake and had the means to be in charge of it, I learned to eat to feel good about myself. Always went to bed with a full stomach. Consequently I became overweight.
Next, I needed to diet in order to keep my weight under control. But the combination of the two, not enough to eat in my youth and developing the habit of eating to feel good, keep it a daily fight.
One of those days I decided I had had enough with the diets. I was just going to eat. In other words, I gave up. The weight went on. Clothes didn't fit; health deteriorated. Now the weight is more of a problem than ever, in terms of getting it off and keeping it off.
My point: when it comes to yourself, do not give up. Keep at it. I would be in much better shape today, physically and mentally, if I had stayed with weight control of some reasonable and substantial kind. Instead, I am way behind in the game. (Or is that weigh behind in the game?)
What is it your want to do? What is you want to be? Don't give up. Keep at it. The path of least resistance will get you in such a downward slide that stopping and reversing becomes so much harder. Harder than if you had struck with the effort in the first place.
So when you are tempted to give up, when you are tempted just to slide through your life, because it seems so hard, don't give up. Keep at it. You'll be so much better off, I promise. I can promised because I have been there, am there, and it "ain't" pretty.
Start in this minute to keep at it.
And when you want more positivity in your life, claim your Free Instant Access to a Force-Source Resource. Just Click Here. You'll get the Force-Source Resource titled "All the Best - You Deserve It." Remember, one bit of information can save you a lifetime of frustration. You'll get that info here.
Dr. Robert Henry Schwenk - The "I Know the Meaning of Life" guy.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Robert_Henry_Schwenk
By Dr. Robert Henry Schwenk
It is so much easier not to have to push, all the time. So much more comfortable to take the path of least resistance. I know. I did. I'll tell you about it here.
When I was a child, especially a teenager, I did not get sufficient to eat. Now, please do not hear me to be saying that I starved. I did not. I was nowhere near as bad off some people who live in poverty in this country or elsewhere in the world. My brain-power was not damaged from not having the correct nutrients. (So far as I am aware, I have all reasonable faculties. But others, outside of me, really have to the judge of that. Like you, reading this article.)
But when I look back now, I see that as a growing boy, I did not receive enough to eat. I was bone thin. No excuses about poverty and the like. My family just didn't not understand the need I had for food.
Then, later in life when I was in charge of my own food intake and had the means to be in charge of it, I learned to eat to feel good about myself. Always went to bed with a full stomach. Consequently I became overweight.
Next, I needed to diet in order to keep my weight under control. But the combination of the two, not enough to eat in my youth and developing the habit of eating to feel good, keep it a daily fight.
One of those days I decided I had had enough with the diets. I was just going to eat. In other words, I gave up. The weight went on. Clothes didn't fit; health deteriorated. Now the weight is more of a problem than ever, in terms of getting it off and keeping it off.
My point: when it comes to yourself, do not give up. Keep at it. I would be in much better shape today, physically and mentally, if I had stayed with weight control of some reasonable and substantial kind. Instead, I am way behind in the game. (Or is that weigh behind in the game?)
What is it your want to do? What is you want to be? Don't give up. Keep at it. The path of least resistance will get you in such a downward slide that stopping and reversing becomes so much harder. Harder than if you had struck with the effort in the first place.
So when you are tempted to give up, when you are tempted just to slide through your life, because it seems so hard, don't give up. Keep at it. You'll be so much better off, I promise. I can promised because I have been there, am there, and it "ain't" pretty.
Start in this minute to keep at it.
And when you want more positivity in your life, claim your Free Instant Access to a Force-Source Resource. Just Click Here. You'll get the Force-Source Resource titled "All the Best - You Deserve It." Remember, one bit of information can save you a lifetime of frustration. You'll get that info here.
Dr. Robert Henry Schwenk - The "I Know the Meaning of Life" guy.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Robert_Henry_Schwenk
Monday, November 16, 2009
CHANGE IS GOOD . . . . .WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ?
What is Your Core Safety Switch That Stops Your Success?
By Joyce Shafer
You can apply what follows to any area of your life where you feel attaining success is a struggle, but let's start with money/wealth/abundance-whatever your word choice is... because money has such highly-charged emotional, self-worth, self-esteem attachments to it.
Let's imagine you don't have the financial situation you'd prefer-but you really want it. You use a variety of methods to assist you: affirmations, visions, vision boards, and so forth. You read and sign up for anything about attaining wealth (or even just easier financial months), whether this is specific business or online strategies or ways to eliminate blocking beliefs about money, success, etc. Whatever the means, you put a lot of hours towards this, including thinking or worrying about it.
And you're still not where you want to be.
Give an honest answer: What kinds of comments do you make to others and in your mind about people with money or wealth?
It probably has something to do with them behaving "badly"-even if you know people with wealth and success who don't demonstrate those behaviors. What you probably don't say is, "People with wealth may have other blocks, but they don't have them about having money."
People who behave "badly" will do so with or without wealth; so, this is a good time for you to separate behaviors from having money. The fact there are people of wealth who behave with integrity and generosity disproves such a blanket statement. Is that separate for you now? Can you see they aren't joined?
If what's described above is your core belief, you will never have wealth. Or, if you get it, you won't keep it or consistently replenish it as you use it.
Because at your core is a safety switch. Its program is likely: "We (you, your family, friends, associates) detest people with money: they behave badly. They (fill in the blank)." Your safety switch will protect you from ever becoming One of Those People. No matter how much you desire it. Once you switch your switch, you'll attract or tune in to strategies and opportunities you have head and heart alignment with; and shift and expansion will happen. It will feel more effortless than you've experienced before. Maybe your switch gets reprogrammed to know and allow, "Financial freedom-whatever that means to me-is fabulous, fun, and allows me full self-expression and fulfillment."
Know that when the shift begins to happen, it will be in the way that supports your personal evolution best, whether that's gradual or more immediate. This mostly depends on how aligned you are with the new program as your truth.
Vernon Howard said, "We are slaves to whatever we don't understand." One of the key things people tend to not understand about any success that is fulfilling is that it has to come from what they truly want to do (are aligned with), makes them feel enthusiastic, and yes, even fun for them.
You're told to put focus on the outcomes you desire. That's good advice because if you do this in the most productive way, you're not focused on what you don't want or have, not living in the past (or the future)-you're living Right Now, which is where your power lives.
The well known phrase, "It's not the destination, it's the journey," can also be stated as, "It's not the outcome, it's the desired experience-in this moment (which creates the next moments)."
I know, I know. You want the outcomes; but the quality of the outcomes will shift and expand if you aim at the desired experience quality-because it takes your focus from primarily on outcomes and puts them where they belong: the energetic creative process and you as the driver of your life. You're conditioned to believe what your experience looks like is more important than being able to consciously create experiences you desire, over and over. When you understand this, you won't be a slave to externals-because you'll know the power comes from you.
Check to see if there's a safety switch that runs contrary to any of this information. And, check what your real Self image is such as
• I can only live a smaller, more circumscribed life (though I desire more)
• If I have more money or wealth, I'll be one of "them" (I'll hate me, others will hate me)
• If I do what really fuels me, others will resent me (what others think is appropriate for me is more important/true than what I think)
• I have to accept whatever is "given" to me in my personal and professional life (the external world has the power; it controls my experiences and outcomes)
• I have to have a certain level of education, know the right people, work my backside off-be "perfect"....
Do you know anyone who lives the opposite of the beliefs listed and not listed above, and is successful and genuinely happy in their life?
Consider how all that's been presented here connects. What's the bigger picture for you? Which core safety switches click into the On position or want to? If the switch doesn't serve you, how will you adjust it so it does?
Stop struggling. Identify and more effortlessly attain your ideal experiences and results with, "Reinvent Yourself: Refuse to Settle for Less in Life and Business," by Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com), Life Empowerment Coach and Author. Get 8 FREE life empowerment e-books, and see a list of her books/e-books and services at http://joyceshafer-ebookbundle.webs.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Joyce_Shafer
By Joyce Shafer
You can apply what follows to any area of your life where you feel attaining success is a struggle, but let's start with money/wealth/abundance-whatever your word choice is... because money has such highly-charged emotional, self-worth, self-esteem attachments to it.
Let's imagine you don't have the financial situation you'd prefer-but you really want it. You use a variety of methods to assist you: affirmations, visions, vision boards, and so forth. You read and sign up for anything about attaining wealth (or even just easier financial months), whether this is specific business or online strategies or ways to eliminate blocking beliefs about money, success, etc. Whatever the means, you put a lot of hours towards this, including thinking or worrying about it.
And you're still not where you want to be.
Give an honest answer: What kinds of comments do you make to others and in your mind about people with money or wealth?
It probably has something to do with them behaving "badly"-even if you know people with wealth and success who don't demonstrate those behaviors. What you probably don't say is, "People with wealth may have other blocks, but they don't have them about having money."
People who behave "badly" will do so with or without wealth; so, this is a good time for you to separate behaviors from having money. The fact there are people of wealth who behave with integrity and generosity disproves such a blanket statement. Is that separate for you now? Can you see they aren't joined?
If what's described above is your core belief, you will never have wealth. Or, if you get it, you won't keep it or consistently replenish it as you use it.
Because at your core is a safety switch. Its program is likely: "We (you, your family, friends, associates) detest people with money: they behave badly. They (fill in the blank)." Your safety switch will protect you from ever becoming One of Those People. No matter how much you desire it. Once you switch your switch, you'll attract or tune in to strategies and opportunities you have head and heart alignment with; and shift and expansion will happen. It will feel more effortless than you've experienced before. Maybe your switch gets reprogrammed to know and allow, "Financial freedom-whatever that means to me-is fabulous, fun, and allows me full self-expression and fulfillment."
Know that when the shift begins to happen, it will be in the way that supports your personal evolution best, whether that's gradual or more immediate. This mostly depends on how aligned you are with the new program as your truth.
Vernon Howard said, "We are slaves to whatever we don't understand." One of the key things people tend to not understand about any success that is fulfilling is that it has to come from what they truly want to do (are aligned with), makes them feel enthusiastic, and yes, even fun for them.
You're told to put focus on the outcomes you desire. That's good advice because if you do this in the most productive way, you're not focused on what you don't want or have, not living in the past (or the future)-you're living Right Now, which is where your power lives.
The well known phrase, "It's not the destination, it's the journey," can also be stated as, "It's not the outcome, it's the desired experience-in this moment (which creates the next moments)."
I know, I know. You want the outcomes; but the quality of the outcomes will shift and expand if you aim at the desired experience quality-because it takes your focus from primarily on outcomes and puts them where they belong: the energetic creative process and you as the driver of your life. You're conditioned to believe what your experience looks like is more important than being able to consciously create experiences you desire, over and over. When you understand this, you won't be a slave to externals-because you'll know the power comes from you.
Check to see if there's a safety switch that runs contrary to any of this information. And, check what your real Self image is such as
• I can only live a smaller, more circumscribed life (though I desire more)
• If I have more money or wealth, I'll be one of "them" (I'll hate me, others will hate me)
• If I do what really fuels me, others will resent me (what others think is appropriate for me is more important/true than what I think)
• I have to accept whatever is "given" to me in my personal and professional life (the external world has the power; it controls my experiences and outcomes)
• I have to have a certain level of education, know the right people, work my backside off-be "perfect"....
Do you know anyone who lives the opposite of the beliefs listed and not listed above, and is successful and genuinely happy in their life?
Consider how all that's been presented here connects. What's the bigger picture for you? Which core safety switches click into the On position or want to? If the switch doesn't serve you, how will you adjust it so it does?
Stop struggling. Identify and more effortlessly attain your ideal experiences and results with, "Reinvent Yourself: Refuse to Settle for Less in Life and Business," by Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com), Life Empowerment Coach and Author. Get 8 FREE life empowerment e-books, and see a list of her books/e-books and services at http://joyceshafer-ebookbundle.webs.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Joyce_Shafer
Also see http://www.changebythepeople.com/ for more useful information
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