Thursday, November 26, 2009

CHANGE IS GOOD . . . IT'S ALL ABOUT YOUR ATTITUDE

How to Avoid Family Conflict Over the Holidays

BY Dr. SHARON MELNICK

Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays probably mean get togethers with your family of origin (or even more loaded: with those of your spouse!)

While there are many comforts and joys of spending time withyour extended family, sometimes it can mean interacting withpeople who control, frustrate, criticize, or burden you. With all the stresses you are facing this year, cross'family conflict' off your list with the followingperspectives:

What is the "real reason" you are aggravated with adifficult family member? You wish your difficult familymember could just "get it" and behave differently in theirown life and towards you. Their behavior may legitimatelytake up a lot of time or show insensitivity to you. Butknow that you are angry with them because you are hoping andexpecting that they will be more evolved than they are atthis point. You are hoping that one of these times theywill give you the validation you richly deserve (but theyare likely incapable of.) When you say to yourself thatthey should be different or vent to a confidant about "whydo they do that?", you are hoping that they will heed youradvisement and magically do it differently next time. Youare 'living in hope'.

As soon as you accept that they are "where they are on theirjourney" (and so are you), you know it is not fruitful totry to change them. As long as you are hoping andexpecting they will be different, you can continue to act inyour same patterns and expect the change to come from them. Even though its painful for you to standby and watchsomeone you care about not be happy, you must appreciatepart of you wants them to act differently in order for youto feel at ease or comfortable with yourself and yoursituation. The answer of course is to focus on your 50%. To the extent that you can feel 'good in you' no matter howyour family members are acting out of their limitations, youwill no longer be aggravated by them.

Why are family members so difficult? Usually people are"difficult" because they are going about getting their needsmet in the only way they know how. The way they can feelpowerful and good in themselves is by controlling things,situations, and people - they are not able to feel good byconnecting meaningfully with you for who you really are andthey are not able to see you as separate from how they needto see you in their own mind in order to feel good aboutthemselves. If you have more effective and diverse ways ofgetting what you need (good for you!), you probably seetheir limited approaches as unreasonable. Instead ofbeing annoyed by them, separate yourself from needinganything from them.

How can you make family interactions more harmonious? Thereare many things that you can do to take responsibility foryour part of the interaction. Some examples include:-

-Know exactly what you want from the situation so youcan ask for it instead of hoping they will read your mind.

-See it from their point of view, make them feelunderstood, and phrase your requests to them in terms thatmotivate them (and don't just assume because you wantsomething they will want to be that way for you.)

-Do things that are easy for you to do that help them get theirneeds met even in their rigid ways. For example, showappreciation to a narcissistic person and make them feelspecial. If it means acting out of integrity for you,don't go along with them. Let a narcissistic, controlling,or off- color person know your limits. Tell them you in aneutral, respectful tone that you don't tolerate thatbehavior, and that you will talk to them or spend time withthem when they are not acting that way (then walk away andcome back later).

-Make sure your communication is clear and respectful,reducing the chance you will be misinterpreted- Articulate more precisely the kind of support, love,and cooperation you can get from difficult family membersand what you wish you could get but will realistically notbe able to get. Only interact with them around the former.

-Focus effectively on nurturing yourself and initiatingmeaningful connections that will bring fulfillment in yourcurrent life - so you are less vulnerable to others makingyou feel bad.

-Instead of focusing on the unrealizedharmony within your family, be grateful for the familymembers who are alive and in a state of reasonable health; be grateful for all the ways that you and your familymembers have been resilient to the current challengingtimes.

How can you deal with your spouse who falls back into a role in their family? If your spouse reverts to someone you don'trecognize when with their family, it's not an opportunity for criticism. Rather, appreciate that there is still apart of them that is stuck believing it's the only way theywill be loved by the people they invested with such hope togive them their 'emotional oxygen'. What you can do is'kill them with kindness' to help them trust that they nowhave new ways of being loved by you.

One of the participants in my recent Friction FreeRelationships program said that if she had learned theseskills years ago her life would have been much happier. Ifyou have friction in your work relationships or yourpersonal and family relationships, you can eliminate anytime you spend being frustrated and make interactions gosmoothly and easily. Get these skills for yourself with aspecial Thanksgiving offer of $200 savings.Sharon

Dr. Sharon M. Melnick
(O) 212.842.4638
sharon@sharonmelnick.com
Follow me on Twitter: DrSharonMelnick
1230 Ave. of the Americas, 7th Floor
New York, NY 10020 United States

Sunday, November 22, 2009

CHANGE IS GOOD. . . SUCCESS IS AS EASY AS

When Nothing Seems to Matter, Do Not Give Up, Keep at it

By Dr. Robert Henry Schwenk

It is so much easier not to have to push, all the time. So much more comfortable to take the path of least resistance. I know. I did. I'll tell you about it here.

When I was a child, especially a teenager, I did not get sufficient to eat. Now, please do not hear me to be saying that I starved. I did not. I was nowhere near as bad off some people who live in poverty in this country or elsewhere in the world. My brain-power was not damaged from not having the correct nutrients. (So far as I am aware, I have all reasonable faculties. But others, outside of me, really have to the judge of that. Like you, reading this article.)

But when I look back now, I see that as a growing boy, I did not receive enough to eat. I was bone thin. No excuses about poverty and the like. My family just didn't not understand the need I had for food.

Then, later in life when I was in charge of my own food intake and had the means to be in charge of it, I learned to eat to feel good about myself. Always went to bed with a full stomach. Consequently I became overweight.

Next, I needed to diet in order to keep my weight under control. But the combination of the two, not enough to eat in my youth and developing the habit of eating to feel good, keep it a daily fight.

One of those days I decided I had had enough with the diets. I was just going to eat. In other words, I gave up. The weight went on. Clothes didn't fit; health deteriorated. Now the weight is more of a problem than ever, in terms of getting it off and keeping it off.

My point: when it comes to yourself, do not give up. Keep at it. I would be in much better shape today, physically and mentally, if I had stayed with weight control of some reasonable and substantial kind. Instead, I am way behind in the game. (Or is that weigh behind in the game?)
What is it your want to do? What is you want to be? Don't give up. Keep at it. The path of least resistance will get you in such a downward slide that stopping and reversing becomes so much harder. Harder than if you had struck with the effort in the first place.

So when you are tempted to give up, when you are tempted just to slide through your life, because it seems so hard, don't give up. Keep at it. You'll be so much better off, I promise. I can promised because I have been there, am there, and it "ain't" pretty.

Start in this minute to keep at it.

And when you want more positivity in your life, claim your Free Instant Access to a Force-Source Resource. Just Click Here. You'll get the Force-Source Resource titled "All the Best - You Deserve It." Remember, one bit of information can save you a lifetime of frustration. You'll get that info here.

Dr. Robert Henry Schwenk - The "I Know the Meaning of Life" guy.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Robert_Henry_Schwenk

Monday, November 16, 2009

CHANGE IS GOOD . . . . .WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ?

What is Your Core Safety Switch That Stops Your Success?
By Joyce Shafer


You can apply what follows to any area of your life where you feel attaining success is a struggle, but let's start with money/wealth/abundance-whatever your word choice is... because money has such highly-charged emotional, self-worth, self-esteem attachments to it.

Let's imagine you don't have the financial situation you'd prefer-but you really want it. You use a variety of methods to assist you: affirmations, visions, vision boards, and so forth. You read and sign up for anything about attaining wealth (or even just easier financial months), whether this is specific business or online strategies or ways to eliminate blocking beliefs about money, success, etc. Whatever the means, you put a lot of hours towards this, including thinking or worrying about it.

And you're still not where you want to be.

Give an honest answer: What kinds of comments do you make to others and in your mind about people with money or wealth?

It probably has something to do with them behaving "badly"-even if you know people with wealth and success who don't demonstrate those behaviors. What you probably don't say is, "People with wealth may have other blocks, but they don't have them about having money."

People who behave "badly" will do so with or without wealth; so, this is a good time for you to separate behaviors from having money. The fact there are people of wealth who behave with integrity and generosity disproves such a blanket statement. Is that separate for you now? Can you see they aren't joined?

If what's described above is your core belief, you will never have wealth. Or, if you get it, you won't keep it or consistently replenish it as you use it.

Because at your core is a safety switch. Its program is likely: "We (you, your family, friends, associates) detest people with money: they behave badly. They (fill in the blank)." Your safety switch will protect you from ever becoming One of Those People. No matter how much you desire it. Once you switch your switch, you'll attract or tune in to strategies and opportunities you have head and heart alignment with; and shift and expansion will happen. It will feel more effortless than you've experienced before. Maybe your switch gets reprogrammed to know and allow, "Financial freedom-whatever that means to me-is fabulous, fun, and allows me full self-expression and fulfillment."

Know that when the shift begins to happen, it will be in the way that supports your personal evolution best, whether that's gradual or more immediate. This mostly depends on how aligned you are with the new program as your truth.

Vernon Howard said, "We are slaves to whatever we don't understand." One of the key things people tend to not understand about any success that is fulfilling is that it has to come from what they truly want to do (are aligned with), makes them feel enthusiastic, and yes, even fun for them.

You're told to put focus on the outcomes you desire. That's good advice because if you do this in the most productive way, you're not focused on what you don't want or have, not living in the past (or the future)-you're living Right Now, which is where your power lives.
The well known phrase, "It's not the destination, it's the journey," can also be stated as, "It's not the outcome, it's the desired experience-in this moment (which creates the next moments)."

I know, I know. You want the outcomes; but the quality of the outcomes will shift and expand if you aim at the desired experience quality-because it takes your focus from primarily on outcomes and puts them where they belong: the energetic creative process and you as the driver of your life. You're conditioned to believe what your experience looks like is more important than being able to consciously create experiences you desire, over and over. When you understand this, you won't be a slave to externals-because you'll know the power comes from you.

Check to see if there's a safety switch that runs contrary to any of this information. And, check what your real Self image is such as

• I can only live a smaller, more circumscribed life (though I desire more)
• If I have more money or wealth, I'll be one of "them" (I'll hate me, others will hate me)
• If I do what really fuels me, others will resent me (what others think is appropriate for me is more important/true than what I think)
• I have to accept whatever is "given" to me in my personal and professional life (the external world has the power; it controls my experiences and outcomes)
• I have to have a certain level of education, know the right people, work my backside off-be "perfect"....

Do you know anyone who lives the opposite of the beliefs listed and not listed above, and is successful and genuinely happy in their life?

Consider how all that's been presented here connects. What's the bigger picture for you? Which core safety switches click into the On position or want to? If the switch doesn't serve you, how will you adjust it so it does?

Stop struggling. Identify and more effortlessly attain your ideal experiences and results with, "Reinvent Yourself: Refuse to Settle for Less in Life and Business," by Joyce Shafer (jls1422@yahoo.com), Life Empowerment Coach and Author. Get 8 FREE life empowerment e-books, and see a list of her books/e-books and services at http://joyceshafer-ebookbundle.webs.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Joyce_Shafer

Also see http://www.changebythepeople.com/ for more useful information





Sunday, November 08, 2009

CHANGE IS GOOD . . .CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS

How to Bounce Back When Your Mood Plummets
By Lorraine Cohen
Article Word Count: 809 [View Summary] Comments (0)

"Life's weather is but temporary. It's the seasons that really matter. Finding balance in the storm. Life" - Anon
Do you find yourself spiraling downward when something happens that you find upsetting? If you say yes, it's not usual. Many people feel happy when something happens that they want or like and fell unhappy when something unwanted occurs.
Here's an example:
A few years ago I was in a car accident. I had just left my house and I had a few errands to run locally. I admit I tend to drive fast and I noticed the two cars ahead of me had come to a stop. The lead car was waiting for traffic to clear in order to make a left turn. I quickly applied my brakes and saw I would be able to stop safely as I checked my rear view mirror to see who was behind me. It was evident to me that the car behind was also going too fast and was going to hit me. The impact was strong enough to push me across the opposing lane of traffic bounce off of a guardrail before I was able to stop the car.
You might say, "Boy Lorraine, not a good day!" I agree that it wasn't what I wanted my day to be.
The downside? My car was fully paid for and, a week before had undergone major maintenance work. The accident totaled my car.
Some immediate blessings? I was bruised and unhurt and I could have been killed. Apparently, when I was hit and pushed across the road, the lead car had finally made the left turn because there was no traffic. I called a healer friend who came immediately and met me at the hospital (where I was checked out for any injuries). My chiropractor opened his office to do a session.
When I returned home, my spirits were low and I could have begun feeling sorry for myself and bemoan the ramifications of having to get a new car, etc. It was a perfect invitation for my mood to start plummeting.
So what to do when you find yourself focusing on the negative?
Here are 7 ways to shift your mood to a better place:
1. Gratitude. Focusing on all you have in your life is an immediate mood shifter. Honor the losses that might be part of any circumstance and allow your viewpoint to expand in appreciation for all the riches you have that truly matters.
2. Interrupt negative self-talk and choose a better thought to put your attention. Notice where your thoughts are focused. What stories and dramas are you creating? Are they serving to help you feel better or worse? If you're unable to let the stories go and dramas go immediately, exaggerate it BIG. Really act it out and play with it so that it becomes absurd. It might even become funny! Take a stand and choose to put your attention on a better feeling thought. You have that POWER!!!!
3. Accept what happened. Dwelling on the past and ruminating on the details only adds more stress and upset. What we resist, persists. The more we struggle against our unwanted life circumstances the more power we give our unhappiness to affect our present moments. It is what it is. Each moment is temporary and gives birth to the next. Acceptance opens the door to...
4. Look for the blessings. Every situation is a healing and growth opportunity. Asking questions like: What are the gifts from this experience? (Focus on the gratitude). What can I learn from this situation? Recognize everything happens for a reason even if it appears to make no logical sense. Approaching life from this perspective invites greater ease and flow. Looking through the eyes of the Victim or the Champion/Hero/Creator is a choice. Seeing your life experience with appreciations and gratitude invites possibilities to unfold.
5. Ask for help. Reach out to your circle of friends if you need an ear, a hug, a boost or a kick in the butt to get yourself into a healthier mindset. Be willing to receive help and invite the people in your life to be a loving support if you need it!
6. Help someone. Our natural state is one of loving generosity and well-being. Extending support to another can be a great heart lifter in reconnecting us to our spirit.
7. Do something that brings you joy, makes you laugh, and feeds your spirit. A few months ago, my buddy Anita Pathik- Law and I were talking on the phone and we started laughing. The kind of laughter that turns into side-splitting laughter that continued for over 6 minutes. It was hilarious. She recorded it and if I ever need a boost, all I have to do is play it and I start laughing!
Founder of Powerfull-Living, Rev. Dr. Lorraine Cohen is a spiritual life coach, broadcaster, published writer, and inspirational speaker who is recognized as a cutting-edge expert in her field. For over 20 years, Lorraine has inspired and supported thousands of spiritually-conscious business owners, entrepreneurs, professionals, coaches, mentors, and authors to create a prosperous business, meaningfull career and fulfilling life that aligns with their spirit. An expert in transforming fear and limiting beliefs that create barriers to success, she shows people how to get unstuck; to break through the confusion and roadblocks so they move forward in all areas of their life. Receive her free report '5 Secrets to Attracting Everything You Want!"
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lorraine_Cohen