CHANGE IS GOOD.....BUT IT'S NOT ALWAYS EASY

You Must Deal With Negative Emotions to Have the Most Success

By Sean R Mize
Many people are unable to or do not want to recognize their negative emotions. Perhaps they have never learnt of positive ways in which they can manage them. As a result, they cope with these feelings in different ways. Some just try to deny them or shut them down completely by using cigarettes or alcohol or through eating, even not eating. Some act on their emotions almost spontaneously, saying or doing things that they come to regret later. None of these reactions ever leads to positive outcomes.

The first thing you have to realize is that while you cannot always control what happens to you, you can certainly control your response to the situation. You can learn to stay calm and manage your feelings. Many a times, your response is based on your interpretation of an event and this can be very different in a time when you are feeling self-confident and good about yourself while it will be very different in a time when you are feeling very low. As a result, you have to control the thoughts that any event will trigger and the kind of conclusions that you may draw about the event, especially if it is related to your sense of self-worth. One should always remember that our emotions also help us to deal with different situations. When you experience any kind of emotional response, you need to be able to respond to it positively. The only way you can do that is if you know what situation triggers what kind of emotional response in you and to what degree; and how you would like to be prepared to handle them.

The four core emotions that everyone is affected by are anger, sadness, fear and joy. If you understand what your reactions are and work on moderating them as well as managing them, you will feel more in control of yourself and more confident of handling various situations. Let us understand what each one of these emotions is, how each one of these emotions helps us and where they may tend to harm us.

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Sean Mize teaches coaches, consultants, and small business owners how to package their knowledge and sell it in high priced coaching, consulting, and online class packages. Sean says "If you have an existing marketable service or skill that you can teach others, I can teach you to package it into a high-priced class or coaching program, guaranteed" Visit Sean at: Internet Marketing Coaching
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CHANGE IS GOOD .....THE OTHER SIDE IS NOT BAD

The Light in the Dark

By Anastasia Netri

In these times, many of us find ourselves overloaded with self help techniques and information. It is a wonderful time, and there are many people right now that are feeling more powerful than ever before because of all that is available. Most self help strategies center around one particular idea: think positive and achieve positive results.

I went through an experience recently that compels me to share with you another aspect of the self - improvement (or self-realization if you prefer) journey. An aspect that is too often not discussed by experts in the field of self help and spirituality, and feared by many. I invite you now to go there with me today. Let's talk about the "Dark Side".

The dark side, referred to as "The Pain Body" by Eckart Tolle, is something that exists within each of us. There are many theories as to why we have a dark side, so pick one that works for you. I have a few - but so much about the human experience still remains a mystery to me.
This is a delicate article to write, because in order to share my insight, I must first share my experience of how I came to it. As a coach, writer, and speaker, I find myself in new territory here. I am going to have to take you with me to my dark side.

I am generally a positive person. I have worked for a long time to be that way. I even hate to say it, but I have thought that if I go to a negative place in my body or mind that I am failing somehow. If I only was strong enough I wouldn't ever go back to "that place" again. Each time that I do go there and come out, behind the breakthrough is a belief that "now I've got it!" and I don't have to worry about going down again. Then when I feel the negativity coming on, not only have to deal with that pain, but the judgment that somehow I'm doing something wrong, and that's why I'm experiencing this again.

A couple of weeks ago, I woke in a pretty negative state. Not only did I feel bad physically, but there was a lot of judgments and negative thoughts that were in my mind. It felt quite overwhelming. Since I have become more conscious and aware of myself - now I had another interesting aspect I was experiencing. I was watching these feelings take me over, and at the same time feeling totally powerless to stop it. Like there was two of me, one "me" tied to a chair while watching another "me" getting beaten up and verbally abused. The more I tried to do every "technique" I knew how to do, nothing seemed to be working. It just kept getting worse. For the next few days, I found myself physically ill, and in a horrible emotional state. I felt completely hopeless and angry, and had a deep loathing of myself and the world. It was a scary place to be. I remember having thoughts during that experience like, "I've done all this work, and what good is it?"

Being that it was a combination of emotional and physical pain, I had no choice but to stay with it. Distraction was not an option. I felt like I couldn't escape it anyway. So I did. I stayed right there with it. I didn't want to be - I had to be. I felt trapped.

A few days later, as I became aware of my first thoughts in the morning, I noticed some loving ones. I woke up, sat up and bed and realized that it was gone. I felt good and extremely grateful. Funny enough, my feelings of gratitude were not that the feeling was gone - but for the experience itself. I felt a new sense of understanding and compassion. I felt as if I'd just broken through something into a new layer of consciousness, and I had a love inside of me that was not there before. I knew then that it was because of this dark place, and found myself knowing for the first time that the face of God lies in the dark as well as the light.

I began looking at my judgments of myself and the world. I felt much more accepting of myself, others, and saw more beauty in the world than I ever have. I remember feeling that I could relate to certain people in my life more and understand what they were experiencing. I became aware that sometimes my role not only as a friend, but as a coach, will on some occasions just simply be allowing and accepting people in their own dark space. I feel now as if I have much more to offer people in my life, friends and clients alike.

Now I have a perspective of the "dark side", and it is this: When one is on the path to really know their true self, become more conscious, happy, successful - whatever it is, they will have to keep going deeper and deeper into their subconscious, and at some point - a "breakthrough" will be in order. When one "breaks through" a layer, that experience may be an intense one. So, now I know that if I feel a negative experience arising, I may be getting ready to break through something. I feel as if I am more likely to welcome the feeling instead of resisting it, or judging myself for having it.

I believe that what the self help industry is telling us is that we are creating our life, and it is important to have a more positive view of the world if you want your life to be happier. That is completely right. However, it doesn't mean you are NEVER going to have an intense experience or a negative feeling.

What I wish to covey to you is simply this: It is all a PART of the process. If you have a negative feeling, or go to a dark place, it doesn't mean you're failing. You're still on the right track. You may be breaking new ground. Sometimes pain helps us understand a different perspective. Sometimes pain is what causes us to seek the light. Welcoming your entire human experience will bring you much more peace than trying to go through life without going up and down. Even those who are "enlightened" still have energetic ups and downs, but they simply accept them. That's it. It's acceptance of the whole - not being "positive" all the time that is the key to true inner peace.

It's a practice, it may not all happen overnight. I know that now, and as I go out into the world I find opportunities to practice acceptance in just about every given moment. Especially in a situation that pushes my buttons. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's not. I have faith that over time it will become more and more natural as I continue to practice.
You are beautiful and perfect in all your joy and pain, ups and downs, dark and light. It is all you. It is all part of humanity. I know sometimes it can be a challenge, it is for all of us. Just do the best you can with what you have at the time, and don't give up. There's so much beauty, and it's easier to see when you come into a flower garden straight from the battlefield. Ever notice that?

Anastasia Netri is a Transition Life Coach and the Founder of of Courage For Transition, a coaching company designed help women in career transitions.
If you liked today's article, you'll love Anastasia's dynamic coaching and CD programs to help you through this time in your life with an effective, powerful, yet loving approach.
You can learn more about Anastasia and her coaching programs and products at http://courage4transition.com You may also sign up for her ezine "Tips for Tranquil Transitions" and receive a bonus gift just for signing up!
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This article has been viewed 86 time(s).Article Submitted On: January 20, 2009
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